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<p>H&ocirc;m nay l&agrave; ng&agrave;y 30 th&aacute;ng 4 n&#259;m 2021 (ng&agrave;y 19 th&aacute;ng 3 &acirc;m l&#7883;ch). C&aacute;ch &#273;&acirc;y m&#7897;t n&#259;m, t&ocirc;i &#273;&atilde; &#273;&oacute;n nh&#7853;n c&uacute; s&#7889;c &#273;au &#273;&#7899;n nh&#7845;t trong su&#7889;t 18 n&#259;m cu&#7897;c &#273;&#7901;i m&igrave;nh, ng&agrave;y h&ocirc;m &#273;&oacute; b&agrave; t&ocirc;i &#273;&atilde; r&#7901;i xa t&ocirc;i m&atilde;i m&atilde;i. T&ocirc;i &#273;&atilde; t&#7915;ng t&#432;&#7903;ng t&#432;&#7907;ng &#273;&#7871;n nh&#7919;ng ng&agrave;y th&aacute;ng b&agrave; kh&ocirc;ng c&ograve;n &#7903; c&#7841;nh b&ecirc;n, t&ocirc;i r&#7845;t s&#7907; &#273;i&#7873;u &#273;&oacute; x&#7843;y ra v&agrave; ch&#7859;ng bi&#7871;t m&igrave;nh s&#7869; &#273;&#7889;i m&#7863;t nh&#432; th&#7871; n&agrave;o nh&#432;ng hi&#7879;n t&#7841;i t&ocirc;i &#273;ang trong ho&agrave;n c&#7843;nh &#273;&oacute;. T&ocirc;i c&#361;ng ch&#7859;ng bi&#7871;t m&igrave;nh &#273;&atilde; v&#432;&#7907;t qua th&#7901;i gian &#273;&#7847;u kh&#7911;ng ho&#7843;ng &#273;&oacute; ra sao, t&ocirc;i ch&#7881; bi&#7871;t k&#7875; t&#7915; ng&agrave;y h&ocirc;m &#273;&oacute; cu&#7897;c s&#7889;ng t&ocirc;i tr&#7903; n&ecirc;n r&#7845;t m&#417; h&#7891;. V&igrave; sao &#432;? V&igrave; t&ocirc;i &#273;&atilde; m&#7845;t &#273;i ng&#432;&#7901;i th&acirc;n quan tr&#7885;ng nh&#7845;t c&#361;ng m&#7845;t &#273;i ng&#432;&#7901;i th&#432;&#417;ng y&ecirc;u t&ocirc;i nh&#7845;t. Gi&acirc;y ph&uacute;t nh&igrave;n b&agrave; n&#7857;m y&ecirc;n m&#7897;t ch&#7895;, m&#7855;t nh&#7855;m nghi&#7873;n, khu&ocirc;n m&#7863;t tr&#7855;ng b&#7879;ch, trong &#273;&#7847;u t&ocirc;i b&#7895;ng d&#432;ng tr&#7889;ng r&#7895;ng ch&#7859;ng c&oacute; m&#7897;t suy ngh&#297;, m&#7897;t h&igrave;nh &#7843;nh n&agrave;o hi&#7879;n l&ecirc;n c&oacute; l&#7869; l&agrave; v&igrave; &#273;i&#7873;u t&ocirc;i s&#7907; nh&#7845;t &#273;&atilde; x&#7843;y ra v&agrave; t&ocirc;i s&#7907; ph&#7843;i &#273;&#7889;i m&#7863;t v&#7899;i n&oacute;. Nh&#432;ng kh&ocirc;ng nh&#432; t&ocirc;i t&#432;&#7903;ng t&#432;&#7907;ng, m&agrave; l&agrave; t&#7879; h&#417;n r&#7845;t nhi&#7873;u. T&ocirc;i &#273;&atilde; kh&oacute;c r&#7845;t nhi&#7873;u, kho&#7843;ng th&#7901;i gian &#273;&oacute; th&#7853;t kinh kh&#7911;ng. N&#7871;u nh&#432; b&#7841;n &#273;&atilde; t&#7915;ng tr&#7843;i qua ho&agrave;n c&#7843;nh c&#7911;a t&ocirc;i, ch&#7855;c b&#7841;n c&#361;ng hi&#7875;u c&#7843;m gi&aacute;c &#273;au &#273;&#7899;n &#273;&oacute;, t&ocirc;i b&#7845;t l&#7921;c v&agrave; kh&ocirc;ng mu&#7889;n ch&#7845;p nh&#7853;n s&#7921; th&#7853;t n&agrave;y nh&#432;ng d&ugrave; t&ocirc;i &#273;&oacute;n nh&#7853;n hay tr&#7889;n tr&aacute;nh th&igrave; n&oacute; v&#7851;n x&#7843;y ra nh&#432; v&#7853;y. &#272;&oacute; ch&iacute;nh l&agrave; cu&#7897;c s&#7889;ng n&agrave;y, m&#7863;c k&#7879; b&#7841;n mu&#7889;n hay kh&ocirc;ng &#273;i&#7873;u ph&#7843;i &#273;&#7871;n n&oacute; v&#7851;n s&#7869; &#273;&#7871;n. Nh&#432;ng &#273;i&#7873;u l&agrave;m t&ocirc;i b&#7845;t ng&#7901; l&agrave; t&ocirc;i kh&ocirc;ng g&#7909;c ng&atilde;, sau bi&#7871;n c&#7889; &#273;&oacute; t&ocirc;i v&#7851;n tr&#7903; l&#7841;i cu&#7897;c s&#7889;ng, v&#7851;n &#273;&#7871;n l&#7899;p v&agrave; &ocirc;n thi &#273;&#7841;i h&#7885;c g&#7847;n nh&#432; b&igrave;nh th&#432;&#7901;ng. Th&#7901;i &#273;i&#7875;m b&agrave; t&ocirc;i m&#7845;t c&aacute;ch ng&agrave;y t&ocirc;i thi &#273;&#7841;i h&#7885;c kho&#7843;ng hai th&aacute;ng, c&oacute; l&#7869; m&#7885;i ng&#432;&#7901;i &#273;&#7873;u s&#7907; t&ocirc;i kh&oacute; c&oacute; th&#7875; v&#432;&#7907;t qua nh&#432;ng lao &#273;&#7847;u v&agrave;o h&#7885;c l&#7841;i l&agrave; c&aacute;ch &#273;&#7875; t&ocirc;i t&#7841;m th&#7901;i qu&ecirc;n &#273;i &#273;au bu&#7891;n v&agrave; n&oacute; c&#361;ng c&oacute; hi&#7879;u qu&#7843; nh&#7845;t &#273;&#7883;nh. T&ocirc;i ho&agrave;n th&agrave;nh k&#7923; thi kh&aacute; t&#7889;t tuy kh&ocirc;ng nh&#432; mong &#273;&#7907;i nh&#432;ng t&ocirc;i h&agrave;i l&ograve;ng v&#7899;i k&#7871;t qu&#7843; m&agrave; m&igrave;nh &#273;&#7841;t &#273;&#432;&#7907;c. C&oacute; l&#7869; c&uacute; s&#7889;c &#273;&oacute; ph&#7847;n n&agrave;o mang &#273;&#7871;n &#273;&#7897;ng l&#7921;c cho t&ocirc;i b&#7903;i v&igrave; t&ocirc;i xem nh&#432; &#273;&atilde; ho&agrave;n th&agrave;nh &#273;&#432;&#7907;c k&#7923; v&#7885;ng c&#7911;a b&agrave; t&ocirc;i. Nh&#432;ng b&agrave; t&ocirc;i kh&ocirc;ng &#273;&#7907;i &#273;&#432;&#7907;c &#273;&#7871;n ng&agrave;y nh&igrave;n t&ocirc;i b&#432;&#7899;c ch&acirc;n v&agrave;o &#273;&#7841;i h&#7885;c, b&agrave; kh&ocirc;ng &#273;&#7907;i &#273;&#432;&#7907;c &#273;&#7871;n l&uacute;c ti&#7877;n t&ocirc;i r&#7901;i kh&#7887;i qu&ecirc; l&ecirc;n th&agrave;nh ph&#7889;, ng&agrave;y t&ocirc;i &ocirc;m b&agrave; kh&oacute;c v&igrave; kh&ocirc;ng n&#7905; xa nh&agrave;, xa b&agrave;; nh&#7919;ng &#273;i&#7873;u &#273;&oacute; m&atilde;i m&atilde;i c&#361;ng kh&ocirc;ng x&#7843;y ra b&#7903;i v&igrave; t&ocirc;i &#273;&atilde; th&#7853;t s&#7921; m&#7845;t b&agrave; tr&#432;&#7899;c &#273;&oacute;. N&#259;m 18 tu&#7893;i, ai c&#361;ng s&#7869; b&#432;&#7899;c sang m&#7897;t trang m&#7899;i c&#7911;a cu&#7897;c &#273;&#7901;i &#273;&oacute; l&agrave; tr&#7843;i qua k&#7923; thi &#273;&#7847;y &aacute;p l&#7921;c c&oacute; &#7843;nh h&#432;&#7903;ng r&#7845;t l&#7899;n &#273;&#7871;n t&#432;&#417;ng lai, ph&#7843;i chia tay b&#7841;n b&egrave;, th&#7847;y c&ocirc; khi ra tr&#432;&#7901;ng, b&#7855;t &#273;&#7847;u cu&#7897;c s&#7889;ng &#273;&#7897;c l&#7853;p v&agrave; ph&#7843;i tr&#7903; th&agrave;nh ng&#432;&#7901;i l&#7899;n&hellip; T&ocirc;i c&#361;ng v&#7853;y, nh&#432;ng n&#259;m 18 tu&#7893;i c&#7911;a t&ocirc;i l&#7841;i l&agrave;m thay &#273;&#7893;i ho&agrave;n to&agrave;n cu&#7897;c &#273;&#7901;i t&ocirc;i, t&ocirc;i &#273;&atilde; tr&#7843;i qua &aacute;p l&#7921;c, chia tay, s&#7907; h&atilde;i v&agrave; c&#7843; ti&#7871;c nu&#7889;i. T&ocirc;i ti&#7871;c v&igrave; th&#7901;i gian &#273;&atilde; tr&ocirc;i qu&aacute; nhanh &#273;&#7875; khi nh&igrave;n l&#7841;i m&#7897;t n&#259;m tr&#432;&#7899;c c&oacute; r&#7845;t nhi&#7873;u &#273;i&#7873;u t&ocirc;i &#273;&atilde; b&#7887; l&#7905;. T&ocirc;i nh&#7899; nh&#7919;ng ng&agrave;y h&#7885;c th&ecirc;m &ocirc;n thi &#273;&#7871;n t&#7853;n t&#7889;i, b&agrave; lu&ocirc;n l&agrave; ng&#432;&#7901;i mong ng&oacute;ng, ch&#7901; &#273;&#7907;i t&ocirc;i. C&oacute; h&ocirc;m th&igrave; ng&#7891;i tr&ecirc;n gh&#7871; &#273;&aacute; tr&#432;&#7899;c nh&agrave;, c&oacute; h&ocirc;m t&#7889;i qu&aacute; b&agrave; s&#7869; ra t&#7853;n &#273;&#7847;u h&#7867;m ng&#7891;i b&ecirc;n l&#7873; &#273;&#432;&#7901;ng &#273;&#7907;i t&ocirc;i, b&agrave; s&#7907; t&ocirc;i l&agrave; con g&aacute;i &#273;i &#273;&ecirc;m nguy hi&#7875;m n&ecirc;n m&#7863;c &#273;&#432;&#7901;ng xa m&agrave; &#273;i b&#7897; ra &#273;&#7847;u &#273;&#432;&#7901;ng &#273;&oacute;n t&ocirc;i, k&#7875; c&#7843; tr&#7901;i c&oacute; m&#432;a th&igrave; b&agrave; v&#7851;n &#273;i r&#7891;i &#273;&#7907;i t&ocirc;i v&#7873; &#273;&#7871;n t&ocirc;i ch&#7903; b&agrave; v&#7873; nh&agrave;. Nh&#7919;ng th&aacute;ng ng&agrave;y b&igrave;nh y&ecirc;n &#273;&oacute; tr&#7843;i qua ch&#7881; c&oacute; b&agrave; v&agrave; t&ocirc;i b&#7903;i v&igrave; cha m&#7865; t&ocirc;i ly h&ocirc;n t&#7915; khi t&ocirc;i c&ograve;n nh&#7887;, t&ocirc;i theo m&#7865; nh&#432;ng m&#7865; ph&#7843;i &#273;i l&agrave;m ki&#7871;m ti&#7873;n nu&ocirc;i ch&#7883; em t&ocirc;i &#273;i h&#7885;c, l&uacute;c &#273;&oacute; ch&#7883; t&ocirc;i c&#361;ng &#273;&atilde; &#273;i l&agrave;m ch&#7881; c&ograve;n t&ocirc;i &#7903; nh&agrave; v&#7899;i b&agrave;. C&oacute; th&#7875; n&oacute;i b&agrave; l&agrave; ng&#432;&#7901;i m&#7865; th&#7913; hai c&#7911;a t&ocirc;i, t&#7915; nh&#7887; t&ocirc;i &#273;&atilde; s&#7889;ng v&#7899;i b&agrave;, b&agrave; &#273;i &#273;&acirc;u c&#361;ng d&#7851;n t&ocirc;i &#273;i theo, gia &#273;&igrave;nh t&ocirc;i kh&oacute; kh&#259;n b&agrave; ph&#7843;i &#273;i bu&ocirc;n b&aacute;n ph&#7909; m&#7865; nu&ocirc;i ch&#7883; em t&ocirc;i. B&agrave; v&#7845;t v&#7843; c&#7843; &#273;&#7901;i, hy sinh t&#7845;t c&#7843; cho con ch&aacute;u nh&#432;ng t&ocirc;i c&ograve;n ch&#432;a c&oacute; c&#417; h&#7897;i tr&#7843; hi&#7871;u cho b&agrave; th&igrave; b&agrave; &#273;&atilde; b&#7887; l&#7841;i t&ocirc;i m&agrave; &#273;i. T&ocirc;i r&#7845;t nh&#7899; b&agrave;, tr&#432;&#7899;c kia t&ocirc;i l&agrave; ng&#432;&#7901;i m&#7841;nh m&#7869;, kh&ocirc;ng kh&oacute;c tr&#432;&#7899;c m&#7863;t b&#7845;t k&#7923; ai n&#7871;u c&oacute; bu&#7891;n c&#361;ng &#273;&#7907;i &#273;&#7871;n l&uacute;c &#7903; m&#7897;t m&igrave;nh ho&#7863;c &#273;&#7907;i b&agrave; ng&#7911; th&igrave; m&#7899;i l&#7863;ng l&#7869; kh&oacute;c c&#7889; g&#7855;ng kh&ocirc;ng ph&aacute;t ra &acirc;m thanh nh&#432;ng k&#7875; t&#7915; khi b&agrave; m&#7845;t, t&ocirc;i &#273;&atilde; kh&oacute;c r&#7845;t nhi&#7873;u b&#7845;t k&#7875; tr&#432;&#7899;c m&#7863;t ng&#432;&#7901;i kh&aacute;c hay l&uacute;c m&#7897;t m&igrave;nh ch&#7881; c&#7847;n ngh&#297; &#273;&#7871;n b&agrave; t&ocirc;i &#273;&#7873;u r&#417;m r&#7899;m n&#432;&#7899;c m&#7855;t. V&#7853;y b&#7841;n c&oacute; &#273;o&aacute;n &#273;&#432;&#7907;c t&igrave;nh tr&#7841;ng hi&#7879;n t&#7841;i c&#7911;a t&ocirc;i kh&ocirc;ng? &#272;&uacute;ng v&#7853;y, t&ocirc;i &#273;ang kh&oacute;c khi vi&#7871;t nh&#7919;ng d&ograve;ng n&agrave;y. T&ocirc;i c&#361;ng hay m&#7845;t ng&#7911;, &#273;i&#7873;u m&agrave; tr&#432;&#7899;c &#273;&acirc;y kh&ocirc;ng th&#432;&#7901;ng xuy&ecirc;n x&#7843;y ra v&igrave; t&ocirc;i r&#7845;t ham ng&#7911;, c&oacute; th&#7875; b&#7887; &#259;n &#273;&#7875; ng&#7911;, v&#7853;y m&agrave; t&ocirc;i l&#7841;i m&#7845;t ng&#7911; c&oacute; l&#7869; do t&ocirc;i kh&ocirc;ng c&ograve;n c&#7843;m gi&aacute;c an to&agrave;n. T&#7915; nh&#7887; &#273;&#7871;n l&#7899;n t&ocirc;i &#273;&#7873;u ng&#7911; c&ugrave;ng b&agrave;, c&#361;ng ch&#7859;ng ph&#7843;i &ocirc;m b&agrave; th&igrave; m&#7899;i ng&#7911; &#273;&#432;&#7907;c nh&#432;ng ch&#7881; c&#7847;n n&#7857;m c&#7841;nh b&ecirc;n b&agrave;, bi&#7871;t b&agrave; &#273;ang ng&#7911; c&ugrave;ng m&igrave;nh th&igrave; cho d&ugrave; c&oacute; chuy&#7879;n g&igrave; x&#7843;y ra t&ocirc;i &#273;&#7873;u c&oacute; th&#7875; ng&#7911; ngon. B&acirc;y gi&#7901; ch&#7881; th&#7881;nh tho&#7843;ng h&ocirc;m n&agrave;o qu&aacute; m&#7879;t t&ocirc;i m&#7899;i c&oacute; th&#7875; n&#7857;m xu&#7889;ng l&agrave; ng&#7911; ngay, c&ograve;n l&#7841;i h&#7847;u nh&#432; t&ocirc;i &#273;&#7873;u kh&ocirc;ng d&#7877; d&agrave;ng g&igrave; c&oacute; th&#7875; ng&#7911; ngon &#273;&#432;&#7907;c. C&oacute; nh&#7919;ng &#273;&ecirc;m t&ocirc;i n&#7857;m xu&#7889;ng l&#7841;i nh&#7899; &#273;&#7871;n b&agrave; r&#7891;i b&#7853;t kh&oacute;c, kh&oacute;c nh&#432; m&#7897;t &#273;&#7913;a tr&#7867; nh&#432;ng l&#7841;i ch&#7859;ng c&oacute; ai d&#7895; d&agrave;nh, c&#361;ng c&oacute; nh&#7919;ng &#273;&ecirc;m t&ocirc;i th&#7913;c tr&#7855;ng v&igrave; h&#7889;i ti&#7871;c khi nh&#7899; l&#7841;i nh&#7919;ng g&igrave; &#273;&atilde; tr&#7843;i qua. T&ocirc;i &#432;&#7899;c c&oacute; th&#7875; tr&#7903; l&#7841;i nh&#7919;ng ng&agrave;y th&aacute;ng h&#7841;nh ph&uacute;c v&agrave; b&igrave;nh y&ecirc;n &#273;&oacute; v&agrave; t&ocirc;i c&oacute; th&#7875; th&#7921;c hi&#7879;n &#273;i&#7873;u &#432;&#7899;c &#273;&oacute; trong m&#417;, ch&#7881; c&oacute; th&#7875; l&agrave; nh&#432; v&#7853;y. T&ocirc;i th&#432;&#7901;ng m&#417; v&#7873; b&agrave; v&agrave; bu&#7893;i s&aacute;ng t&#7881;nh l&#7841;i ho&#7863;c b&#7915;ng t&#7881;nh ngay l&uacute;c &#273;&oacute; th&igrave; n&#432;&#7899;c m&#7855;t l&#7841;i r&#417;i. Th&#7853;t l&agrave; y&#7871;u &#273;u&#7889;i m&agrave;. Nh&#432;ng b&acirc;y gi&#7901; t&ocirc;i nh&#7853;n ra r&#7857;ng: &#272;&#7889;i v&#7899;i nh&#7919;ng bi&#7871;n c&#7889; trong cu&#7897;c &#273;&#7901;i n&agrave;y, b&#7841;n c&agrave;ng y&#7871;u &#273;u&#7889;i th&igrave; s&#7869; c&agrave;ng b&#7883; v&ugrave;i d&#7853;p, n&oacute; ch&#7859;ng tha cho b&#7841;n &#273;&acirc;u v&igrave; n&oacute; b&#7855;t bu&#7897;c ph&#7843;i x&#7843;y ra, n&#7871;u kh&ocirc;ng x&#7843;y ra &#273;&oacute; kh&ocirc;ng ph&#7843;i l&agrave; cu&#7897;c s&#7889;ng n&agrave;y; th&#7871; gi&#7899;i kh&ocirc;ng t&#7891;n t&#7841;i cu&#7897;c s&#7889;ng m&agrave;u h&#7891;ng, kh&ocirc;ng ai t&#7915; l&uacute;c sinh ra &#273;&#7871;n khi l&uacute;c tr&#432;&#7903;ng th&agrave;nh v&agrave; t&#7853;n l&uacute;c m&#7845;t &#273;i m&agrave; kh&ocirc;ng n&#7871;m tr&#7843;i &#273;au kh&#7893; do bi&#7871;n c&#7889;. T&ocirc;i &#273;&atilde; d&#7863;n m&igrave;nh nh&#432; th&#7871;. Ph&#7843;i th&#7853;t m&#7841;nh m&#7869; th&igrave; m&#7899;i c&oacute; th&#7875; &#273;&aacute;nh b&#7841;i n&#7895;i s&#7907; h&atilde;i c&#7911;a b&#7843;n th&acirc;n, v&#432;&#7907;t qua gi&#7899;i h&#7841;n ch&#7883;u &#273;&#7921;ng c&#7911;a m&igrave;nh l&agrave; th&agrave;nh c&ocirc;ng kh&oacute; &#273;&#7841;t &#273;&#432;&#7907;c nh&#7845;t. Cu&#7889;i c&ugrave;ng, t&ocirc;i mu&#7889;n g&#7917;i &#273;&#7871;n b&agrave; m&#7897;t c&acirc;u n&oacute;i m&agrave; tr&#432;&#7899;c &#273;&acirc;y t&ocirc;i ch&#432;a t&#7915;ng n&oacute;i ra th&agrave;nh l&#7901;i: &ldquo;Ngo&#7841;i &#417;i, con th&#432;&#417;ng ngo&#7841;i l&#7855;m. Ngo&#7841;i ch&#432;a t&#7915;ng nghe con n&oacute;i v&#7853;y bao gi&#7901; nh&#432;ng Ngo&#7841;i bi&#7871;t con th&#432;&#417;ng Ngo&#7841;i m&agrave;, &#273;&uacute;ng kh&ocirc;ng Ngo&#7841;i?&rdquo;.<br><br>C&#7843;m &#417;n c&aacute;c b&#7841;n &#273;&atilde; d&agrave;nh th&#7901;i gian &#273;&#7885;c b&agrave;i vi&#7871;t c&#7911;a t&ocirc;i. Ch&uacute;c c&aacute;c b&#7841;n s&#7913;c kh&#7887;e v&agrave; th&agrave;nh c&ocirc;ng!</p>


Đoàn Huyền

Hôm nay là ngày 30 tháng 4 năm 2021 (ngày 19 tháng 3 âm lịch). Cách đây một năm, tôi đã đón nhận cú sốc đau đớn nhất trong suốt 

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