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&#7902; b&agrave;i &#273;&#259;ng tr&#432;&#7899;c, ch&uacute;ng ta &#273;&atilde; &#273;&#432;&#7907;c t&igrave;m hi&#7875;u v&#7873; ch&uacute;ng ta th&#432;&#7901;ng y&ecirc;u theo nh&#7919;ng ki&#7875;u nh&#432; th&#7871; n&agrave;o, v&#7853;y li&#7879;u c&oacute; bao gi&#7901; ch&uacute;ng ta t&#7921; h&#7887;i r&#7857;ng &#273;i&#7873;u g&igrave; l&agrave;m n&ecirc;n nh&#7919;ng c&aacute;ch chung ta y&ecirc;u nh&#432; v&#7853;y. &#7902; b&agrave;i vi&#7871;t n&agrave;y, h&atilde;y c&ugrave;ng PsychoHub t&igrave;m hi&#7875;u v&#7873; &#7843;nh h&#432;&#7903;ng c&#7911;a ki&#7875;u g&#7855;n b&oacute; th&#7901;i th&#417; &#7845;u &#273;&#7871;n t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u tr&#432;&#7903;ng th&agrave;nh nh&eacute;! &Iacute;t ai bi&#7871;t r&#7857;ng, h&#7885;c thuy&#7871;t g&#7855;n b&oacute; ch&uacute;ng ta th&#432;&#7901;ng nh&#7855;c &#273;&#7871;n g&#7847;n &#273;&acirc;y c&#7911;a nh&agrave; t&acirc;m l&yacute; h&#7885;c ph&aacute;t tri&#7875;n Mary Ainsworth l&#7841;i b&#7855;t ngu&#7891;n t&#7915; nh&#7919;ng ph&aacute;t hi&#7879;n &#273;&#7847;u ti&ecirc;n c&#7911;a John Bowly (ph&acirc;n t&acirc;m h&#7885;c) v&#7873; c&aacute;c ki&#7875;u g&#7855;n b&oacute;. Nh&igrave;n chung, l&yacute; thuy&#7871;t &#273;&#7873;u ch&#7881; ra t&iacute;nh ch&#7845;t m&#7889;i quan h&#7879; v&#7899;i ng&#432;&#7901;i ch&#259;m s&oacute;c (&#273;&#7863;c bi&#7879;t l&agrave; ng&#432;&#7901;i m&#7865;) t&#7915; thu&#7903; &#7845;u th&#417; &#273;&oacute;ng vai tr&ograve; quan tr&#7885;ng &#273;&#7871;n &#273;&#7863;c th&ugrave; m&#7889;i quan h&#7879; l&atilde;ng m&#7841;n sau n&agrave;y. N&#7871;u ng&#432;&#7901;i m&#7865; thi&#7871;u kh&#7843; n&#259;ng &#273;&aacute;p &#7913;ng nhu c&#7847;u &#273;&#7913;a tr&#7867; s&#7869; d&#7851;n &#273;&#7871;n h&#7879; qu&#7843; t&#7845;t y&#7871;u c&#7911;a m&#7889;i quan h&#7879; thi&#7871;u t&iacute;nh li&ecirc;n k&#7871;t - ph&#7847;n n&agrave;o l&iacute; gi&#7843;i v&igrave; sao b&#7841;n lu&ocirc;n b&#7883; thu h&uacute;t b&#7903;i c&ugrave;ng m&#7897;t ki&#7875;u ng&#432;&#7901;i v&agrave; s&#7921; t&#432;&#417;ng &#273;&#7891;ng v&#7873; b&#7843;n ch&#7845;t c&aacute;c v&#7845;n &#273;&#7873; b&#7841;n g&#7863;p ph&#7843;i trong nhi&#7873;u m&#7889;i quan h&#7879; c&aacute; nh&acirc;n.&nbsp; N&oacute;i m&#7897;t c&aacute;ch &#273;&#417;n gi&#7843;n, ng&#432;&#7901;i l&#7899;n ch&uacute;ng ta s&#7869; r&#417;i v&agrave;o m&#7897;t trong hai ki&#7875;u g&#7855;n b&oacute; ch&iacute;nh: An to&agrave;n ho&#7863;c kh&ocirc;ng an to&agrave;n.&nbsp;&#10024;G&#7855;n b&oacute; an to&agrave;n (secure attachment) - ki&#7875;u g&#7855;n b&oacute; l&agrave;nh m&#7841;nh nh&#7845;t. Theo Dana Dorfman, Ti&#7871;n s&#297;, nh&agrave; tr&#7883; li&#7879;u gia &#273;&igrave;nh t&#7841;i NYC v&agrave; &#273;&#7891;ng ch&#7911; tr&igrave; podcast 2 Moms on the Couch l&iacute; gi&#7843;i: G&#7855;n b&oacute; an to&agrave;n h&igrave;nh th&agrave;nh t&#7915; thu&#7903; &#7845;u th&#417;, b&#7845;t k&igrave; khi n&agrave;o &#273;&#7913;a tr&#7867; c&#7847;n &#273;&#432;&#7907;c b&#7843;o v&#7879;, ng&#432;&#7901;i ch&#259;m s&oacute;c lu&ocirc;n &#7903; &#273;&oacute; t&#7841;o kh&ocirc;ng gian v&agrave; c&#7843;m gi&aacute;c an to&agrave;n &#7903; tr&#7867; [1]. B&#7903;i v&#7853;y khi tr&#432;&#7903;ng th&agrave;nh h&#7885; kh&aacute; tho&#7843;i m&aacute;i, g&#7847;n g&#361;i v&#7899;i &#273;&#7889;i ph&#432;&#417;ng, cho &#273;i t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u, nh&#7853;n l&#7841;i s&#7921; tin c&#7853;y t&#432;&#417;ng &#273;&#7889;i d&#7877; d&agrave;ng [2]&#10024;G&#7855;n b&oacute; kh&ocirc;ng an to&agrave;n (insecure attachment) &#273;&#432;&#7907;c ph&acirc;n ra v&#7899;i 3 c&#7845;p &#273;&#7897;: G&#7855;n b&oacute; lo &acirc;u (anxious), g&#7855;n b&oacute; tr&aacute;nh n&eacute; (avoidant), g&#7855;n b&oacute; lo &acirc;u-tr&aacute;nh n&eacute; (anxious-avoidant)<ul><li>G&#7855;n b&oacute; lo &acirc;u (anxious): Theo b&agrave; Carolina Pataky, LMFT,&nbsp;&#273;&#7891;ng s&aacute;ng l&#7853;p <a href="https://www.lovediscovery.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank" style="background-color: transparent; color: rgb(2, 131, 141);">Love Discovery Institute</a> t&#7841;i Florida gi&#7843;i th&iacute;ch: Ki&#7875;u ng&#432;&#7901;i n&agrave;y lu&ocirc;n s&#7907; b&#7883; b&#7887; r&#417;i v&igrave; th&#7901;i th&#417; &#7845;u kh&ocirc;ng &#273;&#432;&#7907;c nh&#7853;n &#273;&#7847;y &#273;&#7911; s&#7921; quan t&acirc;m t&#7915; ng&#432;&#7901;i ch&#259;m s&oacute;c, &#273;i&#7875;n h&igrave;nh nh&#7845;t l&agrave; do cha m&#7865; th&#432;&#7901;ng &#273;i c&ocirc;ng t&aacute;c xa nh&agrave;, ho&#7863;c t&#7879; h&#417;n l&agrave; cha m&#7865; li h&ocirc;n, ng&#432;&#7907;c &#273;&atilde;i tr&#7867; hay v&#7853;t l&#7897;n v&#7899;i tr&#7847;m c&#7843;m&hellip; [1] Trong quan h&#7879; y&ecirc;u &#273;&#432;&#417;ng, h&#7885; c&oacute; xu h&#432;&#7899;ng ki&#7875;m so&aacute;t qu&aacute; m&#7913;c [2] &#273;&#7889;i ph&#432;&#417;ng nh&#432; nh&#7855;n tin li&ecirc;n t&#7909;c 24/7, c&oacute; th&#7875; thu h&uacute;t nh&#7919;ng ki&#7875;u ng&#432;&#7901;i tr&aacute;nh n&eacute; (Avoidant) [1].</li><li>G&#7855;n b&oacute; tr&aacute;nh n&eacute; (avoidant): H&#7885; c&#7843;m th&#7845;y m&igrave;nh c&#7847;n &#273;&#432;&#7907;c y&ecirc;u th&#432;&#417;ng nh&#432;ng kh&ocirc;ng s&#7861;n s&agrave;ng cho m&#7889;i quan h&#7879; th&acirc;n m&#7853;t r&agrave;ng bu&#7897;c [2]. Ki&#7875;u ng&#432;&#7901;i n&agrave;y h&#7885;c c&aacute;ch t&#7921; ch&#7911;, &#273;&#7897;c l&#7853;p do ng&#432;&#7901;i ch&#259;m s&oacute;c thi&#7871;u kh&#7843; n&#259;ng &#273;&aacute;p &#7913;ng. Chuy&ecirc;n gia s&#7913;c kh&#7887;e t&acirc;m th&#7847;n Jor-El Caraballo EdM (v&#7873; m&#7889;i quan h&#7879; v&agrave; &#273;&#7891;ng s&aacute;ng l&#7853;p <a href="http://vivawellnessblog.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank" style="background-color: transparent; color: rgb(2, 131, 141);">Viva Wellness</a>) cho hay: Nh&#7919;ng ng&#432;&#7901;i n&agrave;y kh&ocirc;ng coi tr&#7885;ng c&#7843;m x&uacute;c, k&#7871;t n&#7889;i b&ecirc;n trong, k&#7871;t qu&#7843; d&#7851;n &#273;&#7871;n nh&#7919;ng m&#7889;i quan h&#7879; thi&#7871;u cam k&#7871;t [1]</li><li>G&#7855;n b&oacute; lo &acirc;u-tr&aacute;nh n&eacute; (anxious-avoidant) - t&#7893; h&#7907;p c&#7911;a nh&#7919;ng h&#7841;n ch&#7871; &#273;i&#7875;n h&igrave;nh &#7903; c&#7843; 2 ki&#7875;u ng&#432;&#7901;i n&oacute;i tr&ecirc;n. T&#7915; thu&#7903; &#7845;u th&#417; &#273;&#7871;n l&uacute;c tr&#432;&#7903;ng th&agrave;nh, h&#7885; lu&ocirc;n &#7903; trong m&#7889;i quan h&#7879; c&oacute; &#273;&#7897; b&#7845;t &#273;&#7883;nh cao, th&#7853;m ch&iacute; b&#7883; l&#7841;m d&#7909;ng [1]. H&#7885; lu&ocirc;n trong tr&#7841;ng th&aacute;i m&#7855;c k&#7865;t b&#7903;i mong mu&#7889;n &#273;&#432;&#7907;c y&ecirc;u nh&#432;ng l&#7841;i &ldquo;s&#7907; y&ecirc;u&rdquo; (g&#7855;n b&oacute; tr&aacute;nh n&eacute;) v&agrave; lu&ocirc;n &aacute;m &#7843;nh ng&#7901; v&#7921;c, thi&#7871;u tin t&#432;&#7903;ng ng&#432;&#7901;i kh&aacute;c (g&#7855;n b&oacute; lo &acirc;u), d&#7851;n &#273;&#7871;n xung &#273;&#7897;t n&#7897;i t&acirc;m s&acirc;u s&#7855;c l&agrave;m tr&igrave; tr&#7879; m&#7879;t m&#7887;i v&#7873; tinh th&#7847;n. MV &ldquo;Hot and Cold&rdquo; c&#7911;a Katty Perry mi&ecirc;u t&#7843; kh&aacute; ch&iacute;nh x&aacute;c nh&#7919;ng &#273;&#7863;c tr&#432;ng &#273;i&#7875;n h&igrave;nh c&#7911;a ki&#7875;u ng&#432;&#7901;i n&agrave;y.</li></ul> <h4>&#128204;C&oacute; th&#7875; thay &#273;&#7893;i ki&#7875;u g&#7855;n b&oacute; kh&ocirc;ng an to&agrave;n th&agrave;nh an to&agrave;n hay kh&ocirc;ng?</h4>&#272;i&#7873;u n&agrave;y l&agrave; c&oacute; th&#7875; qua s&#7921; d&#7851;n d&#7855;t t&#7915; &#273;&#7889;i ph&#432;&#417;ng thu&#7897;c ki&#7875;u g&#7855;n b&oacute; an to&agrave;n, nh&#432;ng m&#7845;u ch&#7889;t l&agrave; c&aacute;c c&aacute; nh&acirc;n c&#7847;n nh&#7853;n &#273;&#7883;nh ch&iacute;nh x&aacute;c ki&#7875;u g&#7855;n b&oacute; c&#7911;a m&igrave;nh trong m&#7889;i quan h&#7879; &#273;&#7875; x&aacute;c &#273;&#7883;nh &#273;&#7897; &ldquo;t&#432;&#417;ng th&iacute;ch&rdquo; c&#7911;a m&igrave;nh v&#7899;i &#273;&#7889;i ph&#432;&#417;ng. Nh&#7853;n th&#7913;c s&#7899;m &#273;i&#7873;u n&agrave;y ho&agrave;n to&agrave;n c&oacute; l&#7907;i trong m&#7885;i giai &#273;o&#7841;n khi b&#432;&#7899;c v&agrave;o quan h&#7879; l&atilde;ng m&#7841;n [2].<h4> </h4><h4>&#65279;&#128204;S&#7921; th&#7889;ng tr&#7883; ph&#432;&#417;ng ti&#7879;n k&#297; thu&#7853;t s&#7889; - social media, messenger..&nbsp;&#7843;nh h&#432;&#7903;ng th&#7871; n&agrave;o &#273;&#7871;n ki&#7875;u g&#7855;n b&oacute; v&agrave; t&iacute;nh ch&#7845;t m&#7889;i quan h&#7879; y&ecirc;u &#273;&#432;&#417;ng?</h4>C&aacute;c ph&#432;&#417;ng ti&#7879;n k&#297; thu&#7853;t s&#7889; ng&agrave;y nay - c&ocirc;ng c&#7909; h&#7919;u &iacute;ch mang &#273;&#7871;n c&#7843;m gi&aacute;c an to&agrave;n v&#7873; s&#7921; hi&#7879;n di&#7879;n c&#7911;a &#273;&#7889;i ph&#432;&#417;ng. Cha m&#7865; c&ocirc;ng t&aacute;c xa nh&agrave; d&#7877; d&agrave;ng k&#7871;t n&#7889;i, c&#7911;ng c&#7889; ki&#7875;u g&#7855;n b&oacute; an to&agrave;n con c&aacute;i m&igrave;nh, t&#432;&#417;ng t&#7921;, ch&uacute;ng ta c&oacute; th&#7875; duy tr&igrave; li&ecirc;n l&#7841;c b&#7873;n ch&#7863;t v&#7899;i ng&#432;&#7901;i y&ecirc;u, &#273;&aacute;p &#7913;ng nhu c&#7847;u an to&agrave;n v&agrave; &#273;&#432;&#7907;c quan t&acirc;m, b&#7845;t ch&#7845;p kho&#7843;ng c&#7843;nh v&#7873; &#273;&#7883;a l&yacute; [2]. B&agrave;i vi&#7871;t &#273;&#432;&#7907;c bi&ecirc;n t&#7853;p, ch&#7881;nh s&#7917;a d&#7921;a theo ngu&#7891;n:[1] Kassel, G. (2020, June 23). Attachment Theory Plays a Role in Relationships &mdash; Here&rsquo;s What That Means for You. Healthline. <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/attachment-theory#anxious-avoidant" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank" style="color: rgb(17, 85, 204); background-color: transparent;">https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/attachment-theory#anxious-avoidant</a>[2] How Attachment Styles Influence Romantic Relationships. (2022, February 9). Columbia University Department of Psychiatry. <a href="https://www.columbiapsychiatry.org/news/how-attachment-styles-influence-romantic-relationships" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank" style="color: rgb(17, 85, 204); background-color: transparent;">https://www.columbiapsychiatry.org/news/how-attachment-styles-influence-romantic-relationships</a>&nbsp;______________________________________PsychoHub - D&#7921; &aacute;n T&acirc;m l&yacute; h&#7885;c thu&#7897;c T&#7893; ch&#7913;c Youth+ CommunityFanpage: https://www.facebook.com/PsychoHub.Project/Email: youth.psychohub@gmail.com

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