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[REVIEW S&Aacute;CH] THE ART OF LOVING-ERICH FROMMC&oacute; th&#7875; n&oacute;i r&#7857;ng, l&agrave; m&#7897;t con ng&#432;&#7901;i, b&#7841;n &#273;&atilde; d&agrave;nh &iacute;t nh&#7845;t m&#7897;t ph&#7847;n c&#7911;a cu&#7897;c &#273;&#7901;i m&igrave;nh &#273;&#7875; ch&#7901; &#273;&#7907;i, t&igrave;m ki&#7871;m, tr&#7843;i nghi&#7879;m, t&#7853;n h&#432;&#7903;ng v&agrave; &#273;au kh&#7893; b&#7857;ng c&aacute;ch n&agrave;o &#273;&oacute; v&igrave; t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u (ho&#7863;c v&igrave; thi&#7871;u n&oacute;). Vi&#7879;c theo &#273;u&#7893;i t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u c&#7911;a b&#7841;n c&oacute; th&#7875; di&#7877;n ra trong b&#7889;i c&#7843;nh gia &#273;&igrave;nh, trong m&#7889;i quan h&#7879; v&#7899;i ng&#432;&#7901;i kh&aacute;c, &#7903; l&ograve;ng trung th&agrave;nh c&#7911;a b&#7841;n v&#7899;i &#273;&#7845;t n&#432;&#7899;c, ho&#7863;c s&#7921; hi&#7875;u bi&#7871;t c&#7911;a b&#7841;n v&#7873; Ch&uacute;a. Trong gi&acirc;y l&aacute;t, h&atilde;y xem x&eacute;t &#273;&#7883;nh ngh&#297;a ho&#7863;c m&ocirc; t&#7843; c&#7911;a b&#7841;n v&#7873; t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u. L&agrave;m th&#7871; n&agrave;o b&#7841;n bi&#7871;t t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u &#7903; &#273;&acirc;u v&agrave; l&agrave;m th&#7871; n&agrave;o &#273;&#7875; t&igrave;m ki&#7871;m n&oacute;? L&agrave;m th&#7871; n&agrave;o b&#7841;n bi&#7871;t r&#7857;ng t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u b&#7841;n &#273;ang t&igrave;m ki&#7871;m s&#7869; &#273;&#7871;n ho&#7863;c &#273;&atilde; &#273;&#7871;n v&#7899;i b&#7841;n? C&oacute; bao gi&#7901; quan ni&#7879;m v&#7873; t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u c&#7911;a b&#7841;n khi&#7871;n b&#7841;n th&#7845;t v&#7885;ng?Trong cu&#7889;n s&aacute;ch c&#7911;a m&igrave;nh, The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm &#273;&#432;a ra nh&#7919;ng m&ocirc; t&#7843; l&yacute; thuy&#7871;t v&agrave; &#7913;ng d&#7909;ng th&#7921;c t&#7871; c&#7911;a t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u theo ngh&#297;a r&#7897;ng nh&#7845;t c&#7911;a t&#7915; ng&#7919;. T&aacute;c gi&#7843; m&ocirc; t&#7843; ngu&#7891;n g&#7889;c s&acirc;u xa nh&#7845;t c&#7911;a khao kh&aacute;t t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u c&#7911;a m&#7895;i ch&uacute;ng ta. Vi&#7879;c hi&#7875;u r&otilde; nh&#7919;ng ngu&#7891;n g&#7889;c n&agrave;y khi&#7871;n vi&#7879;c theo &#273;u&#7893;i t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u c&#7911;a m&#7897;t ng&#432;&#7901;i tr&#7903; th&agrave;nh m&#7897;t n&#7895; l&#7921;c c&oacute; m&#7909;c &#273;&iacute;ch v&#7899;i k&#7871;t qu&#7843; c&oacute; m&#7909;c &#273;&iacute;ch, thay v&igrave; ch&#7881; hy v&#7885;ng tr&uacute;ng &ldquo;x&#7893; s&#7889; t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u&rdquo;.Erich Fromm l&agrave; nh&agrave; t&acirc;m l&yacute; h&#7885;c v&agrave; tri&#7871;t h&#7885;c ng&#432;&#7901;i M&#7929; g&#7889;c &#272;&#7913;c s&#7889;ng &#7903; nh&#7919;ng n&#259;m 80 c&#7911;a th&#7871; k&#7927; 20. C&aacute;c t&aacute;c ph&#7849;m c&#7911;a &ocirc;ng &#273;&atilde; &#273;&#7873; c&#7853;p &#273;&#7871;n nh&#7919;ng v&#7845;n &#273;&#7873; &#273;&atilde; chi&#7871;m gi&#7919; t&acirc;m tr&iacute; c&#7911;a c&aacute;c nh&agrave; t&#432; t&#432;&#7903;ng trong su&#7889;t th&#7901;i &#273;&#7841;i v&agrave; x&aacute;c &#273;&#7883;nh b&#7843;n ch&#7845;t c&#7911;a con ng&#432;&#7901;i: &#273;&#7841;o &#273;&#7913;c, l&yacute; tr&iacute;, t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u th&#432;&#417;ng,.... The Art of Loving, xu&#7845;t b&#7843;n n&#259;m 1956, l&agrave; cu&#7889;n s&aacute;ch n&#7893;i ti&#7871;ng nh&#7845;t c&#7911;a &ocirc;ng. Cu&#7889;n s&aacute;ch l&agrave;&nbsp; ph&acirc;n t&iacute;ch c&#7911;a &ocirc;ng v&#7873; c&#7897;i ngu&#7891;n c&#7911;a t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u b&#7855;t &#273;&#7847;u v&#7899;i nh&#7919;ng th&#7901;i &#273;i&#7875;m x&aacute;c &#273;&#7883;nh c&#7911;a con ng&#432;&#7901;i, c&#361;ng l&agrave; v&#7845;n &#273;&#7873; c&#7889;t y&#7871;u nh&#7845;t c&#7911;a nh&acirc;n lo&#7841;i: &ldquo;Con ng&#432;&#7901;i &#273;&#432;&#7907;c ph&uacute; b&#7849;m cho l&yacute; t&iacute;nh; m&#7895;i ng&#432;&#7901;i l&agrave; &#273;&#7901;i s&#7889;ng t&#7921; &yacute; th&#7913;c &#273;&#432;&#7907;c ch&iacute;nh m&igrave;nh. Con ng&#432;&#7901;i c&oacute; &yacute; th&#7913;c v&#7873; b&#7843;n th&acirc;n, v&#7873; &#273;&#7891;ng lo&#7841;i v&#7873; qu&aacute; kh&#7913; v&#7873; nh&#7919;ng kh&#7843; th&#7875; t&#432;&#417;ng lai c&#7911;a m&igrave;nh... &rdquo;. Theo t&aacute;c gi&#7843;, v&#7845;n &#273;&#7873; l&agrave; nh&#7853;n th&#7913;c n&agrave;y t&#7841;o ra s&#7921; hi&#7875;u bi&#7871;t v&#7873; s&#7921; t&aacute;ch bi&#7879;t v&agrave; &#273;&#7897;c nh&#7845;t c&#7911;a m&#7897;t ng&#432;&#7901;i v&#7899;i th&#7871; gi&#7899;i v&agrave; v&#7899;i nh&#7919;ng ng&#432;&#7901;i kh&aacute;c.Hi&#7875;u v&agrave; tr&#7843;i nghi&#7879;m s&#7921; c&ocirc; l&#7853;p n&agrave;y g&acirc;y ra c&#7843;m gi&aacute;c s&acirc;u s&#7855;c v&agrave; &#273;au &#273;&#7899;n. Cho d&ugrave; c&oacute; &yacute; th&#7913;c v&#7873; &#273;i&#7873;u &#273;&oacute; hay kh&ocirc;ng, con ng&#432;&#7901;i, trong ch&iacute;nh c&#7889;t l&otilde;i c&#7911;a h&#7885;, khao kh&aacute;t &#273;&#432;&#7907;c gi&#7843;i t&#7887;a kh&#7887;i nh&#7919;ng c&#7843;m gi&aacute;c n&agrave;y. H&#7885; d&agrave;nh c&#7843; &#273;&#7901;i &#273;&#7875; c&#7889; g&#7855;ng t&igrave;m ki&#7871;m th&#7913; g&igrave; &#273;&oacute; c&oacute; th&#7875; gi&#7843;i quy&#7871;t v&#7845;n &#273;&#7873; g&#7889;c r&#7877; c&#7911;a vi&#7879;c t&aacute;ch bi&#7879;t kh&#7887;i nh&#7919;ng ng&#432;&#7901;i kh&aacute;c. Con ng&#432;&#7901;i ng&agrave;y nay kh&ocirc;ng kh&aacute;c g&igrave; nh&#7919;ng ng&#432;&#7901;i &#273;&atilde; &#273;i tr&#432;&#7899;c h&#7885;, &#273;ang th&#7917; m&#7885;i lo&#7841;i gi&#7843;i ph&aacute;p ti&#7873;m n&#259;ng cho v&#7845;n &#273;&#7873; n&agrave;y, v&#7853;n d&#7909;ng s&#7913;c l&#7921;c c&#7911;a m&igrave;nh v&agrave;o c&aacute;c gi&#7843;i ph&aacute;p nh&acirc;n &#273;&#7841;o, t&ocirc;n gi&aacute;o, t&#7909;c t&#297;u v&agrave; s&aacute;ng t&#7841;o.Fromm &#273;&#432;a ra m&#7897;t l&#7853;p lu&#7853;n thuy&#7871;t ph&#7909;c r&#7857;ng lo&#7841;i t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u c&oacute; th&#7875; gi&#7843;i quy&#7871;t c&aacute;c v&#7845;n &#273;&#7873; t&#7891;n t&#7841;i c&#7911;a ch&uacute;ng ta. Khi m&ocirc; t&#7843; t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u l&agrave; g&igrave;, &ocirc;ng g&#7907;i &yacute; r&#7857;ng t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u l&agrave; c&acirc;u tr&#7843; l&#7901;i cho v&#7845;n &#273;&#7873; t&#7891;n t&#7841;i c&#7911;a con ng&#432;&#7901;i, c&acirc;u tr&#7843; l&#7901;i th&#7887;a &#273;&aacute;ng v&agrave; l&agrave;nh m&#7841;nh duy nh&#7845;t. T&#7845;t nhi&ecirc;n, t&ugrave;y thu&#7897;c v&agrave;o s&#7921; hi&#7875;u bi&#7871;t c&#7911;a m&#7895;i ng&#432;&#7901;i v&#7873; t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u, c&acirc;u tr&#7843; l&#7901;i n&agrave;y nghe c&oacute; v&#7867; n&ocirc;ng c&#7841;n v&agrave; s&aacute;o m&ograve;n.Khi mi&ecirc;u t&#7843; t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u bi&#7871;n &#273;&#7893;i s&acirc;u s&#7855;c kh&ocirc;ng ph&#7843;i l&agrave; g&igrave;, t&aacute;c gi&#7843; n&oacute;i r&#7857;ng m&#7885;i ng&#432;&#7901;i th&#432;&#7901;ng tin r&#7857;ng t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u l&agrave; m&#7897;t &#273;&#7889;i t&#432;&#7907;ng (th&#432;&#7901;ng l&agrave; m&#7897;t ng&#432;&#7901;i) &#273;&#7875; theo &#273;u&#7893;i ho&#7863;c chi&#7871;m h&#7919;u. Fromm vi&#7871;t r&#7857;ng, &#273;&#7863;c bi&#7879;t l&agrave; &#7903; c&aacute;c x&atilde; h&#7897;i ph&#432;&#417;ng T&acirc;y, "&#273;&aacute;ng y&ecirc;u v&#7873; c&#417; b&#7843;n l&agrave; s&#7921; pha tr&#7897;n gi&#7919;a vi&#7879;c n&#7893;i ti&#7871;ng v&agrave; h&#7845;p d&#7851;n gi&#7899;i t&iacute;nh" v&agrave; r&#7857;ng hai b&ecirc;n &#273;ang "y&ecirc;u", &#273;&oacute; nh&#432; l&agrave; &ldquo;trao &#273;&#7893;i &#273;&ocirc;i b&ecirc;n c&ugrave;ng c&oacute; l&#7907;i&rdquo;. Khi th&#7901;i gian tr&ocirc;i qua, s&#7921; trao &#273;&#7893;i n&agrave;y (s&#7921; h&#7845;p d&#7851;n, th&#7883; hi&#7871;u, c&#432;&#7901;ng &#273;&#7897; c&#7843;m gi&aacute;c, v.v.) nh&#7845;t &#273;&#7883;nh thay &#273;&#7893;i, v&agrave; khi&#7871;n c&aacute;c b&ecirc;n &ldquo;h&#7871;t y&ecirc;u&rdquo;.Ph&eacute;p &#7849;n d&#7909; m&#7841;nh m&#7869; m&agrave; Fromm &#273;&#432;a ra l&agrave; t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u nh&#432; m&#7897;t ngh&#7879; thu&#7853;t. N&#7871;u t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u l&agrave; m&#7897;t ngh&#7879; thu&#7853;t, th&igrave; &ldquo;n&oacute; &#273;&ograve;i h&#7887;i ki&#7871;n &#8203;&#8203;th&#7913;c v&agrave; n&#7895; l&#7921;c&rdquo;. Kh&ocirc;ng ai c&oacute; th&#7875; tr&#7903; th&agrave;nh b&#7853;c th&#7847;y trong b&#7845;t c&#7913; &#273;i&#7873;u g&igrave; trong m&#7897;t s&#7899;m m&#7897;t chi&#7873;u. Ngay c&#7843; khi m&#7897;t ng&#432;&#7901;i mang trong m&igrave;nh t&agrave;i n&#259;ng c&#7911;a m&#7897;t b&#7853;c th&#7847;y, ng&#432;&#7901;i &#273;&oacute; v&#7851;n ph&#7843;i ki&ecirc;n tr&igrave; tr&#7843;i qua h&agrave;ng ng&agrave;n gi&#7901; h&#7885;c t&#7853;p v&agrave; r&egrave;n luy&#7879;n &#273;&#7875; th&#7875; hi&#7879;n k&#7929; n&#259;ng. Ch&#7881; sau khi th&agrave;nh th&#7841;o &#273;i&#7873;u n&agrave;y, anh ta m&#7899;i th&#7845;y vi&#7879;c th&#7921;c h&agrave;nh th&#7887;a m&atilde;n s&acirc;u s&#7855;c v&agrave; th&#7853;m ch&iacute; d&#7877; d&agrave;ng.&Ocirc;ng vi&#7871;t &ldquo;B&#7845;t c&#7913; ai tr&ocirc;ng &#273;&#7907;i s&#7921; ch&#7881; d&#7851;n d&#7877; d&atilde;i v&#7873; ngh&#7879; thu&#7853;t y&ecirc;u s&#7869; th&#7845;t v&#7885;ng khi &#273;&#432;&#7907;c cu&#7889;n s&aacute;ch n&agrave;y. Cu&#7889;n s&aacute;ch, ng&#432;&#7907;c l&#7841;i, mu&#7889;n cho th&#7845;y t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u kh&ocirc;ng ph&#7843;i l&agrave; m&#7897;t th&#7913; t&igrave;nh c&#7843;m m&agrave; b&#7845;t c&#7913; ai c&#361;ng c&oacute; th&#7875; d&#7877; d&agrave;ng &#273;&#7855;m ch&igrave;m v&agrave;o, d&ugrave; ng&#432;&#7901;i &#273;&oacute; &#273;&#7841;t &#273;&#7871;n m&#7913;c tr&#432;&#7903;ng th&agrave;nh n&agrave;o &#273;i ch&#259;ng n&#7919;a. Cu&#7889;n s&aacute;ch mu&#7889;n thuy&#7871;t ph&#7909;c ng&#432;&#7901;i &#273;&#7885;c r&#7857;ng m&#7885;i c&#7889; g&#7855;ng trong t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u ch&#7855;c ch&#7855;n &#273;&#7873;u th&#7845;t b&#7841;i, tr&#7915; phi anh ta n&#7895; l&#7921;c h&#7871;t m&igrave;nh nh&#7857;m ph&aacute;t tri&#7875;n to&agrave;n b&#7897; nh&acirc;n c&aacute;ch, &#273;&#7875; &#273;&#7841;t &#273;&#432;&#7907;c m&#7897;t h&#432;&#7899;ng &#273;i h&#7919;u hi&#7879;u [productive orientation]; r&#7857;ng anh ta kh&ocirc;ng th&#7875; tho&#7843; m&atilde;n trong t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u c&aacute; nh&acirc;n n&#7871;u anh ta kh&ocirc;ng c&oacute; kh&#7843; n&#259;ng y&ecirc;u th&#432;&#417;ng &#273;&#7891;ng lo&#7841;i, n&#7871;u kh&ocirc;ng c&oacute; &#273;&#7913;c khi&ecirc;m h&#7841; &#273;&iacute;ch th&#7921;c, l&ograve;ng can &#273;&#7843;m, &#273;&#7913;c tin v&agrave; k&#7927; lu&#7853;t. Trong n&#7873;n v&#259;n h&oacute;a m&agrave; nh&#7919;ng ph&#7849;m ch&#7845;t n&agrave;y l&agrave; hi&#7871;m c&oacute;, th&igrave; vi&#7879;c &#273;&#7841;t &#273;&#432;&#7907;c kh&#7843; n&#259;ng y&ecirc;u l&agrave; m&#7897;t th&agrave;nh t&#7921;u kh&oacute; &#273;&#7841;t &#273;&#432;&#7907;c&rdquo;.T&oacute;m l&#7841;i, Erich Fromm tin r&#7857;ng t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u kh&ocirc;ng ph&#7843;i l&agrave; m&#7897;t danh t&#7915; hay m&#7897;t &#273;&#7889;i t&#432;&#7907;ng, m&agrave; l&agrave; m&#7897;t &#273;&#7897;ng t&#7915; hay m&#7897;t c&aacute;ch th&#7921;c h&agrave;nh. C&aacute;ch b&#7841;n th&#7921;c h&agrave;nh t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u th&#432;&#417;ng v&#7899;i nh&#7919;ng ng&#432;&#7901;i xung quanh ph&#7909; thu&#7897;c v&agrave;o c&aacute;ch ti&#7871;p c&#7853;n v&agrave; hi&#7875;u bi&#7871;t c&#7911;a b&#7841;n v&#7873; c&aacute;c v&#7845;n &#273;&#7873; t&#7891;n t&#7841;i trong cu&#7897;c s&#7889;ng c&#7911;a b&#7841;n, &#273;&#7891;ng th&#7901;i, quy&#7871;t &#273;&#7883;nh s&#7921; tr&#7885;n v&#7865;n m&agrave; b&#7841;n s&#7869; tr&#7843;i qua khi tr&#7903; th&agrave;nh m&#7897;t con ng&#432;&#7901;i. N&oacute;i m&#7897;t c&aacute;ch th&#7921;c t&#7871; h&#417;n, vi&#7879;c &#273;&#7885;c The Art of Loving c&oacute; th&#7875; cung c&#7845;p cho b&#7841;n nh&#7919;ng c&ocirc;ng c&#7909; gi&uacute;p b&#7841;n tho&aacute;t kh&#7887;i n&#7895;i th&#7845;t v&#7885;ng v&agrave; &#273;au &#273;&#7899;n m&agrave; c&aacute;ch ti&#7871;p c&#7853;n t&igrave;nh y&ecirc;u tr&#432;&#7899;c &#273;&acirc;y c&#7911;a b&#7841;n &#273;&atilde; khi&#7871;n b&#7841;n ph&#7843;i duy tr&igrave;.&nbsp;Ngu&#7891;n: All Things If, <a href="http://www.allthingsif.org/archives/481">http://www.allthingsif.org/archives/481</a>______________________________________&nbsp;&#272;&ocirc;i n&eacute;t v&#7873; t&aacute;c gi&#7843;:Erich Fromm (1900-1980), l&agrave; m&#7897;t nh&agrave; Ph&acirc;n t&acirc;m h&#7885;c ng&#432;&#7901;i &#272;&#7913;c, ng&#432;&#7901;i n&#7857;m gi&#7919;a giai &#273;o&#7841;n chuy&#7875;n ti&#7871;p c&#7911;a Ph&acirc;n t&acirc;m h&#7885;c c&#7893; &#273;i&#7875;n c&#7911;a Sigmund Freud v&#7899;i Ph&acirc;n t&acirc;m h&#7885;c m&#7899;i. &Ocirc;ng l&agrave; ng&#432;&#7901;i &#273;&atilde; k&#7871;t h&#7907;p gi&#7919;a l&yacute; thuy&#7871;t c&#7911;a Freud v&agrave; h&#7885;c thuy&#7871;t c&#7911;a Karl Marx &#273;&#7875; t&#7841;o ra m&#7897;t h&#432;&#7899;ng &#273;i ri&ecirc;ng gi&uacute;p &ocirc;ng l&agrave; m&#7897;t ng&#432;&#7901;i c&oacute; nhi&#7873;u &#273;&oacute;ng g&oacute;p v&agrave; &#7843;nh h&#432;&#7903;ng trong l&#297;nh v&#7921;c Ph&acirc;n t&acirc;m h&#7885;c X&atilde; h&#7897;i.______________________________________PsychoHub - D&#7921; &aacute;n T&acirc;m l&yacute; h&#7885;c thu&#7897;c Youth+ CommunityFanpage:<a href="https://www.facebook.com/PsychoHub.Project/?__cft__%5B0%5D=AZVFi55EW18qpEY9x1GU12DTFmXQ-HLozSpmYB9ta06WS-koxRSuU_4RlUy4sjuIb2Jf4YQIY1HI64n2BtpGlbIdP95HbA2nX2NSz-DGMn00kwTbzNlajZzA7JZj9rCi8iWbHRowsTu-ZZuQtRuR74Lb4ACnVbq8pHWWVWFsMxdMVg&amp;__tn__=kK-R"> https://www.facebook.com/PsychoHub.Project/</a>Email: youth.psychohub@gmail.com&nbsp;

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